CNWF²
DANGER ZONE!!
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Lake Charles, Louisiana
Lake Charles Civic Center
Monday, December 1, 1997
Time: 10:36:00 P.M. {Fourth Segment}
CNWF²
{cut to shot of the commentary table}
Knee Johnson can be seen chugging down
a large can of beer while Frenchie Parker is adjusting his red bowtie. Lex Victor is just sitting there.
{commentary}
Lex Victor: What a night this has turned out to have been, and it still isn't over. After that
riveting speech from The ANVIL, you would have thought everything was over, but not so! We still have two more
matches to bring to you tonight, including with that dispicable and quite depraived Mushroom Head. For all you
people who were taken in by his attack on my person, why don't you take a look at his last attack on yours truly
and tell me just how tasteful this is. Keep in mind that the man who resembles me is Alejandro Valensuela. He is
the acting president that the wrestlers use to act out scenes that they know I would never sanction. This here
was about the most dispicable act commitable by a member of this federation.
{cut to shot of Mighty Mushroom Head in
a hallway}
MMH steps through the doors and into the
office that reads "Lex Victor"... MMH steps in only to see a girl, somewhat resembling a playboy playmate,
come running by him screaming.
Mighty Mushroom Head: {grabbing her by the arm as she runs by} Baby, Baby...
chill, tell uncle 'Shroom whats wrong. . .
Woman: Oh My God! I can't believe that loser... he had to balls to (CENSORED) BEFORE I was even
naked... he couldn't hold it in... he was spouting off before I even took off my (CENSORED)
bra! {she pulls her arm away and runs out the door obviously pissed}
Mighty Mushroom Head: Chicks... love em' or leave em'... but NEVER prematurely
(CENSORED)! HAHAHAHA! Oh Lexy
pooh... {pulls a joint out of his overalls and walks in to find Lex standing their (CENSORED)
with his (CENSORED) cuffed over his
(CENSORED) 'Shroom looks down
at the (CENSORED) portion with almost
a gleam in his eyes} WHOA! I need a camera! HAHAHA! Fool, didn't your momma teach you any manners?
Alejandro "Lex Victor" Valensuela: What the HELL are you doing here Head?! I told you, I'm sorry I screwed you
over... I am very sorry... what happened earlier happened... don't hold it against me! I know I did wrong... I
admitted it... I tried real hard to sink you and found out the hard way that you are perhaps the most talented
wrestler I have ever had the privilege to work with... please, don't hurt me... {gets down on his knees} PLEASE!
I am begging you head... PLEASE!
Mighty Mushroom Head: Thats right...get down and beg like the DOG that you
ARE!!! (CENSORED)!
Look at me! I am what you NEED! {looking down at Alejandro's crotch} You promised me riches and golds when I arrived
here... so I signed on...then what do you do? You bend me over and try to bang me up the (CENSORED)...(CENSORED) that madness, no
pun intended! {looking back at his face} Lex, I am tired of your stuff. I go out night in and night out and work
my ass off... and how do you repay me? You go and spread lies to Figlet and tell him this and that and promise
him not only a title shot but I bet you even promised him if he did a certain amount of "work" for you
then you'd asure him the strap... NO!!! I won't go out like a chump...
Alejandro "Lex Victor" Valensuela: {tears began to dribble down his cheeks} I'm SORRY!!! I'm SORRY!!! Please
Head, please just understand that I am did what I did for what I thought was the good of the company... no longer,
I promise to be FAIR! I know, I know your saying... LEX FAIR?! NO WAY! But I mean it, Lex Victor vows to call it
right down the middle for the first time in his life!
Mighty Mushroom Head: Get your sniveling ass up. . .NOW!!! I will not be apart
of a fed run by a prissy! GET UP (CENSORED)!
GET UP! {Lex gets up and walks to his desk and leans on it, the whole time head is studying his gluteus maximus
which is currently (CENSORED)}
Now, its settled. . .IF you stick by your word and be a fair president from here on out I will remain faithful
to CNWF². . .BUT, if you so much as consider double crossing me then I swear to GOD, so be it. . .I'll pull
out my dingaling and shoot piss in your face you (CENSORED) coward!!!! {Victor
holds up his hands as if saying "sorry" and scampers into the bathroom to put some clothes on as 'Shroom
watches intently.}
{cut to shot of the commentary table}
Lex Victor: {chuckling a bit} That dumbass! I can't believe he never thought the real word of this
would get around. Did you notice how he never took his eyes off of Valensuela's package? That was disgusting! Damn
freak!
Frenchie Parker: Good thing we censored that thing for you, Lex. That
was some fun!
Lex Victor: I'm telling you, that 'Shroom man is defying the laws of nature with that behavior.
I can't believe he talked Valensuela into doing that just so he could get an idea of what -I- look like naked...
disgusting. 'Shroom, lay off the (CENSORED)
dope and get back into reality soon. You are a bit too freaky for this federation.
Knee Johnson: You ain't so tough, Lex! He was ri...
Johnson quickly finds himself flat on his
back after being on the recieving end of a clothesline from Lex Victor. Knee brushes himself off then gets back
on his chair.
Knee Johnson: Like I was saying, Lex, you are tough! I remember all those times you used to clothesline
me off my chair back in the old days.
Lex Victor: You had better not forget it, either. Anyway, that dope fiend has already made his
way to the ring, but I want you, the viewing audience, to remember just what it was he did earlier. I didn't want
to replay that, but I figured you all needed to be warned. I am still disgusted by the way 'Shroom was eyeing Valensuela...
and the whole time he was imagining it was... me! Yuck!
{cut to shot of the ring}
Ring Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! The
CNWF² World Television title is on the line! Introducing first, the champion...
Lex Victor: The gay fag...
Ring Announcer: Weighing in at two-hundred thirty-eight pounds... The
Mighty Mushroom Head!
{cut to shot of the walkway}
Mist begans to spray towards the entrance
way and colorful lights began to spray throught the arena. The fairly tall, but kind of skinny for his height,
MMH walks out wearing tennis shoes with mismatch socks, overalls with one strap up, one down, tie dye shirt and
beads around his neck. He walks to the ring goofily and slaps fives with fans. The audience tonight seems to be
very much against him, however, and only respond with a loud negative reaction.
{cut to shot of the ring}
Mushroom Head walks into the ring and kind
of staggers around a bit, then looks right at Lex Victor, points at him, then laughs. He then falls to the canvas
laughing... he appears to be acting under the influence of drugs, though he is doing all of these moves deliberately.
{commentary}
Lex Victor: I'll have the last laugh, 'Shroom. Just wait till you find out just what we showed
about you tonight.
Frenchie Parker: Oh man, Lex! He may not wrestle here again!
Lex Victor: Why? Just because I re-aired something he already did?
Knee Johnson: Well, it's more the way you did it, Lex. It was kind of mean, you know.
Lex Victor: {glaring at Knee and gritting his teeth} Listen up, dumb (CENSORED)! When you have
a place to run you can't let these stupid ass sons of (CENSORED)
run around here trying to undermine your authority. Besides, I only used the truth against him. There was nothing
all that different about what was aired before except no one paid close attention to what 'Shroom was doing. It
was disgusting and it was palmed off as an actual event! I can't let this type of crap go on in my federation -ever-!
So think about that before you go passing judgement on the man -and- ruler of the CNWF²!
Knee Johnson: Sorry, Lex!
Lex Victor: {expression softening a bit} That's better.
{ring}
Ring Announcer: And his opponent, the former World Television Champion,
weighing in at three-hundred fifty-two pounds... BigFig!
{cut to shot of walkway}
"Mindfields" by Prodigy plays
as the massive BigFig steps into the arena. The fans cheer as he begins walking down the middle of the walkway,
just looking straight at the ring. He walks quickly and soon he is at the ring apron.
{cut to shot of ring}
Fig rolls into the ring and waits for the
match to begin. He runs the ropes a few times and the audience cheers. The referee then calls for the bell and
the match begins.
___________________________
The Mighty Mushroom Head vs BigFig
6'-4", 238 lbs — 6'-3", 352
lbs
(One Fall Singles Match for the CNWF²
World Television Title)
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{ring}
'Shroom walks right up to Fig and kicks
at his at his gut, but Fig catches the leg. Problem is, 'Shroom leaps up and connects with an enzugiri kick to
the side of the head. Fig holds the side of his head, but 'Shroom wastes no time as he leaps in the air and grabs
him in a headlock. Before he even hits the ground, he changes his momentum in a way that flips Fig to the canvas
in front of him, and right into a crossface. Fig is immobilized at the moment.
{commentary}
Lex Victor: Not a good predicament Fig is in at the moment...
Knee Johnson: Fig just got up and smashed 'Shroom into the turnbuckles!
He's turning around... knife-edge chop to the midsection! Now a hip toss... but a reversal by 'Shroom into an arm
drag and an arm bar! Wow!
Lex Victor: Nice calls.
Frenchie Parker: See, there's a reason Knee is on this show, Lex.
{ring}
'Shroom is keeping the arm bar locked
on Fig who is finally getting up. 'Shroom decides not to waste any time and lets go of the hold, runs towad the
ropes, hops on the second one and flips off it completing the Asai Moonsault. He catches Fig right across the upper
torso and takes him down, but Fig uses the momentum to end up on top in the pinning situation. 'Shroom kicks out
quick, though, and as Fig gets up he hits him with a spinning heel kick which connects right on the butt of his
jaw. He then goes for a cover but Fig kicks out.
{commentary}
Lex Victor: A heated battle between cake boy and Fig.
Frenchie Parker: Cake boy?
Knee Johnson: Well, 'Shroom is going wild in there! He's biting Fig's
head!
{ring}
Fig is screaming as 'Shroom bites the
side of his head. The referee breaks it up and yells at 'Shroom not to do it again. The whole time Fig decides
to run at 'Shroom, but he is caught in a back body drop. 'Shroom then executes a standing backflip and lands right
on Fig and is once again ready for the pin. Fig kicks out at one, though.
{commentary}
Lex Victor: That freak is putting up a fight! Go freak boy! Go queer bait!
Frenchie Parker: You should respect people who choose to live their lives
differently, Lex.
Lex Victor: Not when the fag is coming after me! Damn, don't you think that is the least bit disgusting?
Frenchie Parker: You are kind of cute, Lex! Don't knock yourself!
Lex Victor: Shut the hell up, Frenchie! You can go to hell along with the pillow hugger in there!
Frenchie Parker: {sobbing} I hate you, Lex!
Lex Victor: Good. Now let's get back to the match.
{ring}
Fig has just caught Mushroom with a powerslam.
'Shroom looks as if a bit of the steam has been taken out of him after that maneuver, but Fig doesn't stop there.
He picks 'Shroom back up and delivers a fisherman's suplex to him and locks it into a bridge. 'Shroom somehow finds
his way out of it, but keeps Fig's arm twisted around his leg and he locks on a hold where he has Fig's arm around
his leg and he is applying tremendous pressure to his arm. Fig is also flat on his stomach once again and is in
tremendous pain. His face is also being driven into the mat.
{commentary}
Knee Johnson: Now that's gotta hurt, Lex!
Lex Victor: Yeah. Fig is having his problems against these holds 'Shroom is putting him in. Strawberry
Shortcake is really hounding away at Fig.
Knee Johnson: Lex, you just won't lay off him, will ya? I mean you
normally call these things right down the middle...
Lex Victor: You actually think I can call this friggin' match down the middle? Ha! I just have a
problem with blatantly gay men like 'Shroom. He made a big mistake letting the world know he was hot for me...
yuck! I still can't believe he talked Valensuela into doing what he did. Valensuela has like a wife and a kid.
What a dumbass.
{ring}
Fig is trying to find a way out of the
hold, but he is in bad shape. He is shaking and pounding at the canvas, but he just can't do anything. 'Shroom
finally gets up and kicks Fig in the gut after releasing the hold. Fig is in pain once again. Shroom runs at Fig
again as Fig gets up, but he is so close to the ropes that when he gets up and catches a spinning heel kick to
the face, he goes right over. 'Shroom, however, grabbed on to the top rope before he went over and he swung himself
back in the ring.
{commentary}
Lex Victor: Look at this (CENSORED)!
Oh... here we go....
{cut to ringside shot}
Fig is getting back in his feet, but as
soon as he does he catches a suicide dive and lands hard against the railing. 'Shroom then delivers a chop across
his chest, then a boot to the midsection. He then grabs Fig and delivers an astounding DDT on to the cold concrete
floor. At this point the audience is firmly against 'Shroom and they are letting it be known.
{commentary}
Lex Victor: Look at this dumb son of a (CENSORED)
doing all this crap. This is pissing me off. Dammit, Fig!
Knee Johnson: Ah, come on, Lex! Give 'Shroom a chance! I'm sure he
really just wants to be your friend.
Lex Victor: He wants to be my friend alright. In the worst way possible. Now tell that cake boy
fag to get back in the (CENSORED)
ring!
{ring}
It seems as if 'Shroom heard what Lex
said and is going over to say something to him. While that is going on, Fig gets up and has a chair in his hand.
He runs at Mushroom and bashes the chair over the back of his head. He then rolls him back in the ring.
{cut to shot of the ring}
'Shroom is already getting back on his
feet.
{commentary}
Lex Victor: Here we go! Way to go Fig!
Knee Johnson: Figlet ain't nothin' Lex! He's nothin' but an ass kisser!
Lex Victor: That's a hell of a lot better than being a stool pushing fag!
{ring}
Fig gets back in the ring, but is met
by a spring board hurricanrana into a pinning predicament.
{commentary}
Knee Johnson: One... two... thre... nope! Sorry, Lex! Cake.. I mean
Head just didn't get the pin!
Frenchie Parker: Go 'Shroom! Show Lex what a man who doesn't live a lie
can do!
Lex Victor: You guys are the most pathetic ass kissers I know. And why you are kissing 'Shroom's
ass is beyond me.
Frenchie Parker: He's a lot like me, Lex. Dashing, charming, a real man's
man! He also doesn't live in a closet like other men.
Lex Victor: Shut up, Frenchie! That is disgusting! You and 'Shroom should tag sometime. You guys
could do a lot more after the show too, I'm sure.
Frenchie Parker: Get over it, Lex! Learn to live with your true feelings.
Lex Victor: Alright. Go queer-bait!
{ring}
Fig is back on his feet now, but catches
a springboard drop kick now. Fig is leveled and 'Shroom seems to be enjoying it. Fig gets up, but catches a Yakuza
kick and down he goes.
{commentary}
Lex Victor: That's it! That was the Queer-Bait Kick! He got him! Fag boy is going for the cover!
One! Two! Three! That's all the (CENSORED)
queer wrote! Damn!
Knee Johnson: That was a 'Shroom Kick, Lex, but Fig just didn't stand
a chance. Today was the wrong day for him to step in the ring and fight.
Lex Victor: 'Shroom, that fag...
{ring}
Ring Announcer: And here is your winner and -still- CNWF² World
Television Champion... The Mighty Mushroom Head!
'Shroom laughs as he is declared the winner
and handed the Television Title. At this point, Valensuela runs into the ring and looks up at the taller Television
champion. 'Shroom looks at him with disgust and pushes him down to the canvas and kicks him out of the ring. He
then exits himself.
___________________________
The Mighty Mushroom Head by Pin Via
'Shroom Kick
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{cut to shot of the commentary table}
Lex Victor: God Almighty I can hardly -wait- until Broken Dreams '97 where I can get my hands on
that freak of nature, Alejandro Valensuela! He has caused me so damn many problems since I let him do acting roles
for wrestlers when they are pissed off. I am going to show you what a real fight looks like.
Frenchie Parker: It's going to be funny seeing a five-foot eight shrimp
like you stepping in the ring with another shrimp that looks just like you! It's going to look like a school yard
brawl!
Lex Victor: Shut up, Frenchie! I am so damn tired of you, I could puke! Anyway, we finally have
a match worth watching coming up after this commercial break as we have Dominator of Destruction fighting Jason
Agony! Niether of these men are poseurs like that freakin' fag cake boy 'Shroom Head. This will actually be a match
worth watching, so don't tune out.
Frenchie Parker: Lex, you are treading on thin ice! I suggest you stop
while you're... ahead! {chuckles at his own remark.}
Lex Victor: See you all after the commercial break.
{cut to a commercial break} CNWF²